Today I’m participating in a synchroblog calling for sanity among Christians in the discussion of faith and homosexuality. This called-for sanity would cover all aspects of the topic: Is homosexuality sin? If so, why? If not, why? Should gay marriage be legal? Should churches ordain gay ministers?
And any other question you can think of. Click here to read some of the other entries in the synchroblog.
There must be a way for Christians of varying viewpoints to discuss this stuff without getting all cray-cray. Let me suggest one simple but often painful thing we could all do.
Begin with the humble acknowledgement, “I could be wrong.”
It’s hard to be too defensive, angry, nasty, and generally unloving when you’ve already said to yourself and others, “Hey, obviously I think my view is sound or I wouldn’t hold it, but I’m human, and therefore flawed, and therefore potentially wrong.” Several days ago, I got into a back-and-forth on Facebook (not a good place to discuss anything) with a guy who felt the redefinition of marriage was undermining the family. When it was clear neither of us were buying the other’s points on the matter, I suggested we agree to disagree and move on. The other fella agreed, but not before adding this little postscript:
“Last statement…to state my case. Homosexuality is wrong because the Bible says it is … Please don’t use the Bible as a reference allowing homosexuality…it doesn’t.”
Instantly, I wanted to throw rocks at the guy, and every other Christian who says stuff like that. (I know, I know: not a sane approach.) Statements like the one above are the death of any meaningful discussion. When you say something like that, all the other person hears is what I heard: “I’m right. You’re wrong. Period. Regardless of the fact that I’ve done little or no research on the historical context of the passages in question, and regardless of the fact that many Bible scholars who have done such research have come to a conclusion different than mine, I’m right, and you’re wrong. And all of those scholars are too. Just because. The Bible doesn’t say what you say it says. If you try to suggest that it does, you’re ‘using’ the Bible.”
What arrogance. There’s no way I’m wrong. There’s no way you’re right. So just stop talking. If we go at this issue that way, people will rightly tune us out. That’s not a sane approach to discussing one of the most contentious moral issues of our day. Sanity says, “Hey, I could be wrong, so let’s talk.” Cray-cray says, “I’m right, and you’re not, just because, so what is there to discuss?”
Speaking of sane approaches, I’d like to plead with you that you buy a copy of “Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays vs. Christians Debate” by Justin Lee. It’s the most reasonable approach to the whole issue that I’ve ever read, and it’s in stores and available online today in hardcover and ebook formats. It won’t take you long to read it, and I think you’ll get something good from it, regardless where you fall on the issue of faith and homosexuality. Please, please, please: read it.
You need to read TORN: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate. (For my fellow nerds, that’s TORN, not TRON.) Gay or straight, for or against gay relationships, you need to read it. If you feel like this issue matters to the church, you need to read it. While TORN doesn’t release until November, as I write this it’s available for pre-order at almost half-off the retail price at Amazon.com.
How do I know you need to read it? How do I know it’s the best book you’ll read this year? I’ve read the manuscript. Shhh. Don’t tell. It is hands down the best book I’ve read on homosexuality as it affects the Christian faith. You’d have to read thousands and thousands of pages in dozens of other books to get get what author Justin Lee has managed to condense into one 272-page book.
From the publisher …
TORN provides insightful, practical guidance for all committed Christians who wonder how to relate to gay friends or family members–or who struggle with their own sexuality. Convinced that “in a culture that sees gays and Christians as enemies, gay Christians are in a unique position to bring peace,” Lee demonstrates that people of faith on both sides of the debate can respect, learn from, and love one another.
And while I’m copying and pasting, here’s the “About the Author” section from Amazon.
Justin Lee is the founder and executive director of The Gay Christian Network (GCN), a nonprofit, interdenominational organization working to increase dialogue between gays and Christians and support people on both sides wrestling with related issues.
A passionate Christian from a conservative evangelical background, Justin thought he knew everything there was to know about the Christian approach to homosexuality-until unexpected events turned his world upside down and forced him to reconsider everything he believed. Today, his organization works with individuals, families, and churches to stop the debate from tearing people apart.
Justin’s work has garnered national attention and praise from gays and Christians from across the theological spectrum. He has been featured in numerous print, radio, and television venues including Dr. Phil, Anderson Cooper 360, the Associated Press, and a front page article in The New York Times. He is the director of the 2009 documentary Through My Eyes about the debate’s impact on young Christians, and the co-host of popular long-running podcast GCN Radio. Justin lives in Raleigh, NC.
Hopefully, as we approach November, I’ll have an interview with Justin here on my blog.
Did I mention you need to read TORN?
A few years ago, my friend Kiera Cass wrote a book for young adult girls called The Siren, featuring a mostly lavender cover with fanciful script font and a pic of a woman in soft focus wearing a flowing white dress standing by some gentle water. It was the very image of masculinity, so I bought a copy. No. I bought a copy because Kiera is my friend, and I wanted to support her. I even promised to read the book on an upcoming trip I was taking. Obviously, I could not be seen in public toting such a thing, so I manned it up with some camo duct tape.
And are those condescending thoughts I remember having?
Oh look, Kiera SELF-published a book. Not quite like getting a publisher (or two) to publish your book(s), but good for her!
That was 2009. Today, one of my books is already out of print, and Kiera Cass just became a New York Times Best-selling author. So there ya go. Her teen fiction novel, The Selection, published by Harper (yes, the one and only), debuted (!) in the top 10. Do you realize how few people ever accomplish that? It is an extraordinary achievement.
I wanted to know how Kiera did it and how she is dealing with it, so I exchanged messages with her the other night. She gave me permission to share her thoughts here.
MATT: First, how are you handling the madness around you?
KIERA: I guess I’m handling everything … ok? I don’t know! The funny thing is that even though it’s this huge deal and I’m super proud, nothing has changed. Tonight, I still had to run to my church small group, and my son Guyden is demanding milk and bananas, and there was laundry to fold. You know, same old same old. So it’s kind of funny.
MATT: Ok, so HOW did this madness happen? I mean, obviously, the book is good or people wouldn’t be buying it, but how did it get so big so fast? How did you get an agent, when almost no one does? How did you get a big publisher, when almost no one does? How did your book break through to the top of thousands, when almost no one’s does. I mean, this is incredible, and you did it without any major connections, right?
KIERA: I’m not 100% sure myself how it happened. My editor specifically warned me that the chances of this happening were SUPER slim. Not because the book is bad, but because there are a lot of other great young adult books out there that probably wouldn’t budge. And I know my sales were good for an unknown debut, but when I called my agent to tell her the news, her first reaction was, “I didn’t even think we had enough books printed to make the list!” So, you know, my reaction was, “Are you punking me?”
I got my agent the old fashioned way, sending out queries. For The Siren, I sent out 80+ queries, had 10 agents read it, and no one wanted it. For The Selection, I sent out 13 queries, 2 agents wanted it, and I got to pick. Until I got her, though, I didn’t know my editor already had a few bestsellers on her hands. And she’s been promoted twice since I’ve been with her.
Some of this has to do with timing, I think. The Selection has been compared to The Hunger Games a lot, which is huge right now. But when I queried, The Hunger Games wasn’t The Hunger Games, ya know? My book just happened to come out at a time when people want something that gives them that same buzz, I guess? My book isn’t that much like The Hunger Games to me, but I know that the comparision has interested a few people, so that might be part of it, too.
So, honestly, it just kind of happened. I don’t think I could have made it happen this way if I tried. Crazy, yes?
And I can’t even dance around because I have edits due Monday on the next book that I am WAY behind on. And I’m off to work on that now!
So, there ya have it folks, from Kiera herself. Oh, and did I mention CW is making a TV show out of her book? Yeah.
Congratulations, Kiera! You rock. Very, very excited for you. And when I write my teen girls fiction novel, I know who to go to for connections.
Anyone who enjoys writing should read Bird by Bird. It’s one of the most intriguing books on the craft I’ve read. It’s a quirky mix of practical advice and motivational speech that almost always works, and while Lamott’s humor becomes predictable in places–you get pretty good at guessing when she’s going to throw in a zinger–the fact is, her one liners and random asides are really funny.
While describing a vineyard in Autumn, Lamott says,
“The grapes are so incredibly beautiful that you can’t help but be thrilled. If you aren’t–if you only see someone’s profit or that in another month there will be rotten fruit all over the ground–somone has gotten inside your brain and really fucked you up. And you need to get well so you can see again, see that the grapes almost seem to glow, with a light dusting of some sort of powdery residue, like an incredibly light snowfall, almost as if they’re covered with their own confectioner’s sugar.”
Fun, funny, poignant, practical, motivational.
I appreciated her attitude toward the slow, hard work of writing:
You simply keep putting down one damn word after the other, as you hear them, as they come to you. You can either set brick as a laborer or as an artist. You can make the work a chore, or you can have a good time. You can do it the way you used to clear the dinner dishes when you were thirteen, or you can do it as a Japanese person would perform a tea ceremony, with a level of concentration and care in which you can lose yourself, and so in which you can find yourself.
Definitely worth the time and money to get and read this book.
You suggested them. I have picked them. Here are the books I hope to read in 2012. Actually, I hope to read many more than these, but here are the ones at the top of the list. My goal is to read broadly, to move beyond my typically narrow range of subjects. Thank you for all the wonderful recommendations you made.
Sabriel, Garth Nix
I love fantasy films (some of them, anyway), but I’ve never read much fantasy. I chose Sabriel because, though it is part of a series, the story of book one stands on its own. No cliffhanger demanding I read more if I choose not to. Publishers Weekly says, “Rich, complex, involving, hard to put down, this first novel, an Australian import, is excellent high fantasy. The suitably climactic ending leaves no loose ends, but readers will hope for a sequel.” Amazon.com’s reviewer says, “Just try to put this book down.”
Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott
From Amazon: “Think you’ve got a book inside of you? Anne Lamott isn’t afraid to help you let it out. She’ll help you find your passion and your voice, beginning from the first really crummy draft to the peculiar letdown of publication. Readers will be reminded of the energizing books of writer Natalie Goldberg and will be seduced by Lamott’s witty take on the reality of a writer’s life, which has little to do with literary parties and a lot to do with jealousy, writer’s block and going for broke with each paragraph. Marvelously wise and best of all, great reading.”
Angela’s Ashes, Frank McCourt
Seems an obvious pick for March, what with St. Patrick’s Day and all. A Pulitzer-prize winning memoir from a first time Irish author. Four and a half stars with nearly 2,000 reviews on Amazon. From the publisher: “Frank endures poverty, near-starvation and the casual cruelty of relatives and neighbors—yet lives to tell his tale with eloquence, exuberance, and remarkable forgiveness.” School Library Journal says, “Readers will enjoy the humor and the music in the language. A vivid, wonderfully readable memoir.”
Why We Love, Helen Fisher
This Valentine’s Day, tell that special someone, “I neurotransmit you.” I don’t think neurotransmit is a word, but neurotransmitter is, and I bet this book uses that word a lot. Having studied (amateurishly) the goings-on of the brain suffering a mood disorder, I’m curious to know just what is happening “up there” that we call falling in love. Publishers Weekly says, “Fisher also reports on the behaviors that lead to successful lifelong partnerships and offers, based on what she’s observed, numerous tips on staying in love.”
The Holy Bible with the Apocrypha (NRSV)
In college, my friends and I made up nicknames for all the many versions of the Bible. The NIV was the Non-Inspired Version. The NASB was the Non-Authoritative Scripture Bible. The NKJV, the Never Knew Jesus Version. CEV, Completely Erroneous Version. My favorite was the KJV: The Killer Jargon Version. The list went on and on. Well, the past couple years I’ve read the Bible through in various versions. This year, I want to take my next 365-day jaunt through Holy Scripture by reading the NRSV, the Not Really Scripture Version. (Weren’t we clever?)
How to Cook Everything, Mark Bittman
Okay, so probably I’m not reading this one cover to cover, but I do want to cook better in 2012, so I’m picking up a copy of this. Some of you suggested the vegetarian version, but the original contains vegetarian recipes, and really I want to know how to cook everything better. Chef Bobby Flay says, “Mark Bittman has done the impossible, improving upon his now-classic How to Cook Everything. If you need know-how, here’s where to find it.” Good enough for Bobby Flay, good enough for me!
Thanks again for all the great book recommendations. If your book didn’t make the cut, don’t despair. A year is a long time for someone who enjoys reading as much as I do. I may yet read your favorite.
Happy reading in 2012!
I like any book that provides a new twist on an old idea. Christian books for men on the issue of pornography certainly are not novel. But William M. Struthers, associate professor of psychology at Wheaton College, offers something I don’t believe I’ve seen on the subject from a Christian author: a book that describes the neurological implications of pornography on the brain. Published by InterVarsity Press, Struthers work is titled Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain.
From the publisher:
“Countless Christian men struggle with the addictive power of porn. But common spiritual approaches of more prayer and accountability groups are often of limited help.
In this book neuroscientist and researcher William Struthers explains how pornography affects the male brain and what we can do about it. Because we are embodied beings, viewing pornography changes how the brain works, how we form memories and make attachments. By better understanding the biological realities of our sexual development, we can cultivate healthier sexual perspectives and interpersonal relationships. Struthers exposes false assumptions and casts a vision for a redeemed masculinity, showing how our sexual longings can actually propel us toward sanctification and holiness in our bodies.”
I recommend this book to men battling pornography, and to men who’ve yet to realize they should battle it. Struthers’ strongest point is his most simple, but it can shake men from complacency over their online habits: pornography physically changes the brain in frightening ways, forming neural pathways that enslave men to sin, pushing them further down a depraved road.
Sound grim? Perhaps, but then so it would seem are the consequences of the habit. Struthers does offer hope in Wired for Intimacy. In fact, that’s the point of the book, to, yes, present the serious reality of viewing pornography, but then to show a way out. Struthers writes, “Imagine that you could be neurologically ‘enslaved’ to purity rather than porn. Enslaved to seeing the dignity of each individual rather than their utility to you. This is the distinction between the journey toward sanctification and the journey toward depravity.”
Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain is available from all major outlets, including Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com.
So I’m on a Scot McKnight kick of late. First, I read The Blue Parakeet (see review below). Then, yesterday, I stumbled across his take on Fasting. I read the whole book in one sitting. Didn’t even make it out of Barnes and Noble. Just sat there in a comfy chair till I was done.
Fasting has always confused me. People tell me glorious tales of what God has done in response to their fasting, but all I ever seem to get from it is hunger pains, headaches, and bad breath. I was curious what light McKnight could shed on the topic for me.
McKnight says, “Fasting is the natural, inevitable response of a person to a grievous sacred moment in life.” It is not, he contends, primarily a means of ramping up the intensity of our prayers with the purpose of getting a response out of God. Rather, it is identifying with how God feels about a situation and bringing our whole self, body and spirit, into agreement.
I found Scot McKnight’s take on fasting refreshing and well-researched. He did his homework, reading broadly on the topic and appealing to the Scriptures to support his views. At 165 pages (with plenty of white space), you can read it in an afternoon. And it is certainly worth a reading.
Always, it seems, there is some new book telling us to rethink how we do church and how we read the Bible. Such books usually bore me at best, annoy me at worst. So many of them seem like little more than the author’s preferences on how to do church and study Scripture.
The Blue Parakeet: Rethinking How You Read the Bible (Zondervan, 2009), is refreshingly different. Author Scot McKnight brings to bear solid scholarship in his critique of how we’ve read the Bible in the past and his proposal for how we read it moving forward. Along the way, McKnight guides readers to ask tough questions of themselves: Why do I believe certain commands from the Old Testament were for ancient times but not for today? How do I determine which are still relevant and which are not?
Take Leviticus 19 as an example. In verse 11, the writer says, “Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another.” We would all say these instructions are for today. But just a few verses later in the same chapter, we read, “Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material” (vs. 19). Is that also a command for today? What about other laws in the same chapter that say not to trim our beards or tattoo our bodies? Regarding the Bible’s instructions for living, what do we keep, and what do we toss?
McKnight’s solution to these questions is both intelligent and intriguing, and his writing style is–unlike that of so many authors of similar books–never dry. He keeps your attention with well-reasoned, sometimes hilarious prose. In what is perhaps my favorite quote, McKnight says, “… Some folks see some of the goofiest things in the Bible, and I wish I could just blow Holy-Spirit-air on them and cure them of their silliness.” The Blue Parakeet is Scot Mcknight’s attempt at just that. It’s an attempt well worth reading.